


Burn Eternal

by InHerAspect



Series: Eternally Yours [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Memory Loss, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InHerAspect/pseuds/InHerAspect
Summary: She was supposed to be dead. Even now, as he stared at the form before him, he couldn't really believe he'd been given back what he'd lost. "Sigyn?" Her face twisted with confusion, not happiness. It was still better than the fear he had seen in her eyes, but it told him all he needed to know and his hopes quickly faded; fate would be forever cruel.Tara Calder wasn't anyone important and the man before her was a killer. She was sure to die by his hand, but when the strange word left his mouth, he looked almost lost. Hopeful. And more than anything, he looked ridiculously familiar.Another Sigyn/Loki love story. Tags added as I go. Rated for graphic violence and sexual content in later chapters (not at the same time).





	1. Dreams of Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning is a little choppy. I usually write one-shots, so it's more in that fashion at first. It gets more linear later, when I decided to make it a full story. I write more than I post, but I post stuff as I edit it. And there'll end up being some cannon divergence because...well, Tara doesn't exist in the MCU so it'd obviously go differently I think. 
> 
> A quick warning: this is meant to be a romance, with a bit of angst. But later chapters there will be some graphic violence. I'll label it so you can skip particular scenes. Also sex. There's gonna be a lot of sexual content, also labeled and totally skip-able.

_Gold and silks and smiling faces. She knew she was surrounded by people. By friends she'd known for too many years to really count right now. But she couldn't really see who they were. The people crowded around her at tables filled with more food than she ever remembered seeing. She was smiling as she spoke unmemorable words to the people around her and picked at the dishes before her. Faces around her blurred, but a sense of belonging and joy surrounded her. This was a place she belonged. A place where she had been so happy._

_The meal was good. What had she eaten? Did it matter? People were filing out of the hall, laughing and joking with one another. Her husband would usher her off to bed soon. Did she have a husband? A voice was saying something, so she turned to answer and met kind, familiar green eyes, "What?" What was he saying to her? He was so close, but sounded so far away. She needed to know; what he said was important to her.  
He was grinning though, content to take her hand and begin leading her away. She followed, happy to thread her fingers between his and be led past the crowds of people. But her smile fell just for a moment. _ _Who was he? Why couldn't she remember his name?_ **** ~~~~

~~~

It wasn't the first night, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but Tara Calder was damned well tired of that dream. Every few nights, without fail, she'd get some dream of a world of gold and familiar faces she could never name. And then there was that man; a face she just barely could see, could just barely remember, but one she felt was more important than any other.

She'd only been asleep a few hours; a nap before the long night ahead of her. A glance at the alarm clock on the night stand said she had to get up for work in a few minutes anyway, but it didn't make the forced awakenings any less annoying. Every time she hit a spot in the story and her dream self tried to remember too hard, she was pulled away. When she was young, it had been upsetting; weird enough to give her the creeps but also enough to make her wonder more and more about the dreams. Nowadays it just pissed her off to lose the sleep. Today, however, she'd need the few extra minutes to get ready, anyway.

Sitting up, her feet hit the floor and she peered towards the window. She'd never had much interest in Stuttgart, Germany; too crowded for her liking. But she'd left the states with a work visa and a hope that she'd find some meaning outside of the familiar. The company that hired her promised work if she came, and she wasn't one to turn down a paying job. She'd been doing little jobs, mostly bars and theatres, but it was enough to cover her living for the moment. Tonight, their original singer for the event had come down sick, and it was only a few hours of work over the course of the night, so she didn't see the harm.  
Tara went about her usual ritual, but when she laid out her clothes for the evening she grabbed the plastic garment bag on the hook of the hotel's bathroom door. She had a beautiful red dress for the evening and just as beautiful, but much less comfortable, heels. She'd spend the night at some grandiose gala, singing or listening to the musicians between sets. 

~~~

Nothing about this made her comfortable. The whole thing was beautiful and elegant, but she felt wholly out of place. Her pieces weren't hard, and the musicians were helpful with walking her through how they should be done in the time before people began showing up. But she couldn't wait for the whole thing to be done with.   
Unfortunately, that was when her wish was...answered, though in a terrifying fashion. The musicians had taken over, playing a beautiful piece by Franz Schubert that Tara was enjoying from the sidelines with a glass of water before she was required again. And then the chaos started.

A man making his way through the crowd, dark and confident. He looked familiar in a way that made Tara notice him immediately. Those eyes looked familiar but the memory was just out of reach. She watched him as he moved but then he was grabbing one of the men speaking up front. It took only a moment before the attacker had him on his back on one of the artistic pieces in the room and was pulling something out of his jacket pocket. Time froze for just a moment as the crowd turned to look; it was almost like a fight were about to happen, where they were more curious than anything. Tara didn't have a good feeling and the silver piece in the man's hand had goosebumps rising on her arms.

The next second, blood was pouring down the prone man's face; the little machine plunged into his eye to saw away around the socket. Tara's stomach churned and the guests around them began screaming, fleeing. She dropped her glass in a panic, rushing to follow, but taking one more glance at the man who'd caused the chaos. The look on his face doesn't say regret or guilt; it looks pleased at the fear he's caused. Then he meets her eyes as she's pushing into the crowd and the smile falls for just a moment. She must have seen him before. She pushes into the crowd and hopes she can forget both the confusion and the recognition in his eyes.

Minutes later, out the doors of the gala and in the streets, Tara takes to the line of cars to hide and avoid the push of the crowd. The man comes to follow them, and she's sure he'll see her. Drag her back into the group he has cornered. But he doesn't even turn to look at her, keeping his focus on the others. The oncoming emergency car is thrown into the air and she's certain she should feel more terrified by this man.

The first time she sees Captain America in person is moments later, preventing another death by this man's hands and as a fight breaks out, even as the crowd flees, Tara hesitates in her hiding place around a car to watch what will happen. It's then that she gets a first glimpse of Iron Man and quickly realizes she needs to move. She'd love nothing more than to stay uninvolved. Her curiosity pulls her, though, and she almost starts towards the man beneath the helicopter with his armor faded and arms now raised in surrender. How did such confidence fall so quickly? Surely he had more fight in him than that, he didn't even look injured. Something was pulling at the back of her mind to run forward. To help him. But why? She could do something and-  
Tara shook the thoughts from her head. The man had just killed; was ready to enslave them all. Why did she care what happened from there?  
It was a quick walk back to her rental car and she was off to her hotel room for the night.


	2. Flowers and Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't edit this yet. So apologies for any mistakes. I don't have any kind of beta reader so I can't promise there won't be a bunch of mistakes throughout my work. Sorry about that. Short chapter again. They'll get longer once I get into a more linear storyline in the next chapter or so. There's going to be a much longer time skip before anything really gets going.

_Her hair was being braided softly behind her, as her mother hummed a tune she could only just remember._  
_"He'll be lucky to have such a beautiful bride," her mother's hands tied off the braid and smiled at her in the mirror they sat before._  
_She was an offering of peace, really. A bride not to unite two kingdoms but to show loyalty to Asgard._  
_Asgard. Is that where she was? Why didn't she feel more upset about the circumstance?_

 _She was small. The people around her in the garden were nearly twice her height. Flowers were in bloom around her in beautiful splashes of color and people laughed as they walked and chatted on the paths around her._  
_"I was looking for you, did you get lost?"_  
_Green eyes._  
_She felt herself smiling at the boy her own height with one hand clutching a book to his side and the other extended out to her in invitation. She took it without a thought more, and was lead towards the towering doors at the other end of the garden. He'd glance back now and then, as if to reaffirm she was still there even if she did have a grip on his hand. Who was this boy? Why couldn't she place his face with a name? Did it matter?_

~~~

A phone wouldn't stop ringing.  
Incessant, high-pitched pinging of a missed call and then it would start right back up with another call.  
Tara pulled herself up in bed just enough to make a reach for the damned thing, swiping to answer and dropping it to the side of her head as she laid back down, "It's not even seven a.m., Rachel."  
"Did you see the news?! Are you alright?!"  
She obviously wasn't getting back to sleep, "I'm fine, I was out of there before anything too crazy happened. Aren't you supposed to be at work soon?"  
"Like I'd go to work right now? Come out for breakfast with me; I know you eat nothing but hotel food without me."

Pulling a towel from the back of the bathroom door, Tara started the shower to warm up and walked back to the bedroom to turn off the alarm she shouldn't have bothered setting, "Let me get a shower, I'll meet you at the Starbucks down from the hotel?"  
"You came half way across the globe to eat at Starbucks? Really, Tara? Should we have McDonald's for lunch, then?"  
She was halfway back to the bathroom and huffed out a laugh, "I came halfway across the globe to visit you and get my life together. But fine, that café you like, a few blocks down?"  
"Better. Meet at Vicino around eight?"  
A slight hum of affirmation and Tara was laying the phone on the bathroom counter to jump in the shower. She was just rinsing her hair when she realized she was humming something without too much thought; where had she heard that tune before?

~~~

"When I saw what happened, I couldn't believe it was the same place?! You could have  _died_ and I wouldn't have known until like, this morning!"  
Tara laughed a little at the wild hand gestures that had accompanied almost ten minutes of this rant, "I'm fine, Rachel, really. It was surreal, but I got out of there quick as I could."  
Rachel's eyes rolled, "You're telling me you didn't bother to stay at all? You weren't even a  _little_ curious? I mean, they're saying he made a police car  **explode** , how often do you even see shit like that?"  
"I'd have been more interested if I hadn't just watched him kill a guy, I'm sure."  
That kind of diminished the excitement in Rachel's face, "Ah, right, yeah, that'd put a damper on things I guess. You sleep alright, after?"  
Tara shrugged and took a sip of the coffee that was going a little cold in front of her, "I guess, the whole thing didn't bother me as much as I thought it would."  
Rachel nodded then seemed to be content in dropping the subject, for now at least. They spent another hour or so talking about more normal topics like work and how Tara was liking Stuttgart. Tara did her best to pay attention to the conversation, but her mind kept wandering to what she could remember of her dream last night and then to the strange man from the gala. And green eyes. Familiar green eyes.

It wasn't long, back in her hotel room, that Tara decided she'd had enough adventure for this trip. She'd head back to New York after another few days or so; she had no interest in anything like last night happening again.  
At least in New York, she'd only have the normal craziness of living in the city to deal with.


	3. Something Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lord I just fixed the last two chapters; that's what I get for not checking my spelling/grammar before I post something I guess. Here's something I actually checked through.  
> I'm updating semi-quickly, since it's my days off, but they'll slow down over the next few days while I have work. Also I swear this gets more linear and less jumping-around later. But the story is nowhere near where it needs to be to really get going, so it's...choppy right now. Bear with me, I'll try to keep chapters over 1k from here on, minimum.

_The trip to Asgard was short via the lights that Mother had assured her were no danger. But her arrival was heralded with thunderous sounds. The crowds bore flags of bright colors and guards lined the path to the castle, but all she could see were the staring, excitedly shifting bodies of colorfully dressed people, all wanting to get their first look at the young soon-to-be bride._  
_As her_ mother _pushed her forward with a soft hand between her shoulders, she made her way to where the royal family stood. Their faces blurred, like she couldn't quite focus on them, but she stood tall and was quickly led inside._

 _"Are you feeling well?"_  
_A soft voice came from beside her and she was looking into concerned, green eyes. She gave a curt nod, she had no choice but to be in perfect order right now._  
_"I've permission to take you to see the gardens. Mother asks we let them talk about things alone for now."_  
_He was reaching as if to take her hand but paused, looking to her to be sure it was alright. She was relieved at the chance to escape, taking his hand like a life line and letting herself get pulled behind. She knew him, after all. And would have to get to know him better. Was he not a prince? His name, though-_

_~~~_

 That feeling of falling that pulled her away from a dream still made her stomach drop for a second before her eyes opened. Tara just took a moment to stare at the ceiling; she was remembering more and more pieces from the dreams she had.  
Increasingly, her dreams were getting more frequent; practically every night now, like going to Germany had just made her dreams more persistent and vivid. Less often were there blurred moments or skips in the story. More often she was remembering all the weird, made-up words that were being said in them. Asgard. Because that sounded like a place? Her brain needed to get it together.

The alarm started blaring; just moments too late to be useful. She threw out an arm, hoping to reach the stretch over to the nightstand when she jumped like she was shocked as she watched the small black box fly across the room. The alarm was certainly quiet. But the wisps of gold from her fingertips..  
Her heart sped up and she was sitting straight in her bed, staring at broken pieces of her alarm on the floor by her closet door. That was, decidedly, not normal.   
Tara kept looking back at her fingers, spread out and held infront of her like if she weren't to keep watch, they'd do something she didn't want again. They looked decidedly like they always did, nothing out of the ordinary. But her alarm clock said she wasn't hallucinating. Unless she'd just...hit it? She definitely didn't think she'd even come close to touching the thing; every morning she had to reach and stretch and half climb out of bed just to smack at the buttons with the tips of her fingers. And she'd certainly seen... _something._

She had to get up, get ready for the day. She'd worry about whatever was going on, later. But even as she picked up the remnants of the clock, as she was showering, as she was drying her hair, as she pulled on clothes or picked up her purse to leave, she kept taking glances at the tips of her fingers as if they had an answer. Honestly, she wasn't sure she even _did_   want that answer.

With errands to run and tryouts for a musical to get to later in the evening, Tara decided not to think about the incident too hard throughout the day. She couldn't even figure out what she'd do if she hadn't hallucinated the whole thing. Tell someone? Sure, if she wanted to get locked up. There were enough freaks running around New York, thanks. She took one more long look in the full-length mirror in her entryway; long red waves of hair, dark green eyes, the slight dusting of freckles that she wished would fade into nothing. There wasn't anything strange or abnormal about her, far as she could tell. But something felt. Very off.

~~~

She was definitely late. So very, very late. As if every single cab in the area were completely full, she wasn't having a damned bit of luck hailing one.  
' _Please, please, please,'_ Tara threw a hand up, waving a bit as she leaned towards the road, just as another drove past without the slightest hint of slowing down. Fine. She'd walk. In heels. It wasn't more than a twenty or so minute walk if she hurried. But with it already five minutes past when she was expected...she didn't really have a hope of making tryouts. At least not without looking like a fool, showing up nearly half an hour past when she was told to.

Tara gave up this fight. It wasn't anything particularly special, but a job was a job. Still, she'd find something else. Turning into the doorway of the nearest little restaurant, she resigned herself to a meal and then a subway trip home for the night.  
She'd nearly made it through her meal. Just nearly. The tables shook, her glass nearly toppled and she could hear a rumbling noise like the earth would open up beneath their feet. It only lasted a moment, and she barely glanced up; an earthquake? Nothing severe, but still odd.  
And then the screaming started. She could seriously do without any more screaming in her life.

Patrons and staff around her were flocking to the windows, staring into the sky. She looked back from her table to see them murmuring, pointing. Tara had barely begun to stand before they were rushing out the door, shoving to leave, eyes not leaving the sky. She should have felt more panicked, more rushed, but she felt a strange calm as she waited for the last of them to leave before walking to the sidewalk to get her own look at the sky. The hole in the sky, and she couldn't think of any other proper word for it, should have been terrifying. And in a way, it was. But she couldn't bring forth any fear or anything but a strange confidence as she watched creatures pour from the sky. She did not run, not from anyone.  
Tara shook the thought from her head; she had a perfectly good reason to run! Explosions filled the sky with obvious signs that  _something_ was fighting these things. But the sounds of weapons firing and explosions much closer to the ground, followed by terrified screams, said that they were definitely firing back. She should run. Follow the crowd and-

She wasn't sure why she kept walking towards the center of it all. Curiosity? What else could she be looking for?  
_There._  
Stark Tower, rising high above her; she needed to be up _there_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but as a side note, thanks to Argenta_Jade15 for my very first comment, I'm unreasonably excited over it.


	4. Returned From the Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos and I'm past 150 views? What?  
> Finished this and have the day off tomorrow so I'll have more up pretty quickly. I need to remember to edit properly before I post things; I keep doing that...
> 
> Just a quick clarify; Thor and Thor 2: Dark World are 2 years apart. Avengers is set between the two, and most people seem to be with Dark World taking place directly or very soon after Avengers. But...that doesn't work for this fic. So. I'm tossing Dark World into the abyss and we're gonna pretend that if it were to happen, it's later. Malekith can sit his ass down and wait till I'm done with this fic to wreak havoc, okay? I hate writing a fic and following along with something you've already watched, so just. Let's pretend, okay?

  The door probably would have been locked, had the glass not been blown out of the building. But as it was, the ground was littered with remnants of the damage. What was she doing? She couldn't comprehend why she'd even gotten _this_ far; what would she do if one of those _creatures_ came down and found her? It's not like she had any real defense against them.  
But something wouldn't let her turn away and go back. She'd made up her mind, and whatever it was she needed to find, she was going to see it through.

Tara put the sounds of fighting and chaos around her out of her mind and set about navigating the broken glass and debris to get into the large lobby. She took a quick look around and without really thinking, headed for what looked like an elevator, smashing the 'up' arrow with a bit of hope.

Nothing.

But with only emergency lights still lit up on this floor, it wasn't really a surprise. Tara glanced around for a sign, some kind of stairwell, though she grimaced at the very idea; how high did she even need to go? Where was she trying to get to? And what was this feeling, pulling at her gut to keep moving up?

The stair access wasn't hard to find, and a keypad indicated there was usually more security measures if it wasn't unlocked in light of the emergency, but when she pushed open the door and glanced up she almost wished it _had_ been locked. She was naturally of a more trim build, in no small part just due to genetics; cardio wasn't exactly a priority she'd ever had since high school and she was almost wishing she'd have rethought that one. A bit late for that, now. So she tried not to think about how tall the building actually was and started her way up.

 

 

She was only a few floors up before she really decided that, yes, this was a bad decision. But the more steps she took, the more the pull in her gut was pushing her to keep going.  
And god _damned_ there were a lot of stairs.  
Her climb was sound-tracked to the sounds of explosions from outside, shattering glass, and enough commotion somewhere far above her to warrant some concern as to what the hell she thought she was doing.

It was a long while of climbing, trying not to think too hard on what she was doing, when the building shook just for a moment, the sound of thunder making her grasp at the railing in a moment of fear. But she was so far already. Her legs burned, and she was feeling more than a little ridiculous, but she'd gotten so  _far._ When it stopped, and everything got eerily quiet, Tara quickened her pace. A renewed sense of urgency to move faster.  
Only a few flights more, the feeling shoving her forward like a hand against her back now, and she was standing before a door. A locked door.  
She'd climbed more stairs than she'd ever even seen in her life, and she was going to be stopped by a locked door.

She tried it again, urgent and impatient. But she wasn't going to make any progress here; she wasn't going to get in.  
Frustrated and a bit angry at the situation she'd gotten herself into, Tara resigned herself to the long walk back down but turned to glare at her obstacle a last time, giving one solid kick at the thing in her anger.  
The resulting sparks were gold, like her hand the morning she'd destroyed her alarm clock. And the resulting crash made her cringe as the door flew inwards a few feet to land solidly, though a bit crumpled, into the room.

 ~~~

It was over; the portal closed and the Chitauri army stopped, and Loki was being pulled off the ground by Thor, standing him up to shackle his wrists together. The game was finally over and he would be taken to Asgard to be sentenced for his crimes, he was sure. 

It was quiet for a moment, which made the crunch and metallic scraping of metal all the more booming in the room. A side door on the farthest side of the room slid to a stop halfway between it and their little group. A half-raised leg fell in surprise and a head of red curls ducked back around the corner of the doorway too quickly to get a good glimpse.  
The man of iron was stepping back to get a look and raising his voice towards the intruder, "Bit late for hiding at this point. Already made quite the entrance."  
There was a pause, as if she were deciding whether or not to try to run anyway, before red hair and blue-green eyes were shifting around the corner and both Asgardians present were pulling in sharp breaths. Thor's hand on his shoulder tightened and Loki knew he wasn't just seeing things.

She was supposed to be dead. Even now, as he stared at the form before him, he couldn't really believe he'd been given back what he'd lost. She'd died in his arms centuries ago and yet here she was, hesitantly moving into the room. She walked with steadily more resolve, her eyes holding a spark of fear as they never left Loki's form. "Sigyn?"  
Her face twisted with confusion, not happiness. It was still better than the fear he had seen in her eyes, but it told him all he needed to know and his hopes quickly faded; fate would be forever cruel.

 ~~~

 Tara Calder should have felt more fear. She wasn't anyone important and the man before her was a killer. Were he given the chance, she was sure to die by his hand. She'd just burst through a door with a half-hearted kick meant to relieve some annoyance and was now looking across at the most threatening bunch of people she'd ever stood before. But this was where her gut had led her; in front of the man she'd seen in Germany and the people now holding him in cuffs. The pressure was gone, the first bit of relief from the urgent sensation of 'go, now' that she'd had since this whole thing started. But then as the man her eyes couldn't leave spoke, the strange word leaving his mouth, he looked almost lost. Hopeful.

And, more than anything, he looked ridiculously familiar.

The word wasn't one she understood, but pulled at the back of her mind and she just looked on in confusion. As his face fell he glanced up, her gaze meeting familiar, green eyes. Unmistakably, the same ones from her dreams. 


	5. What You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another. Over twice the length of the other chapters so far. I'll try to keep them longer as I go.   
> I'm at that weird point where I've got a story figured out, but just the ending and a bunch of random middle bits. Like. Over 15k words of pieces that are not the beginning, which is what I need and am currently having a mini struggle to write. So. Fun times.

 Of everyone in the room, only the tall blonde man seemed oblivious to how Tara felt the situation warranted. He looked nearly elated, a smile now splitting his face as he released the hand on his prisoner's shoulder and started towards her.

Her first thought was fear; she should be afraid of the man who was just released. While he was still being carefully watched by the others, she'd seen him do impossible things already once before. Or even fear at the tall man in strange clothes striding confidently towards her. Instead, she felt almost calm. Anxious, perhaps, but not nearly so much as the situation probably should have warranted.

He was feet just from her when he spread his arms wide, "We all thought you dead, Lady Sigyn." And suddenly she was being embraced, lifted a good foot off of the ground, and was too shocked to move. When he put her back down, she knew she was wide-eyed but he just held her by the shoulders to look at her, "What sorcery brought you here? Nearly three centuries since we watched your body leave us only for you to appear at such a time, perfectly whole?" Tara wasn't really following, but she was getting the just of that word; a name? Did they think she was someone else? The blonde's smile waned and his hand left her shoulder to gesture back to the man in cuffs, "We mourned your loss...Loki was distrau-"  
"Thor, that's enough."

His words made her jump, her eyes moving to him immediately. Thor was half-turned towards him, confusion etched across his face. He didn't seem nearly as concerned as one should be towards a prisoner, but looked as if he were going to question him. Instead, Loki was refraining from eye contact, staring at the far wall as he made a quick shake of his head, "Her visage is the same, but that is not...her," he took a quick glance that made Tara's stomach twist before he was just looking to Thor, "She's afraid; confused. I'd wager she did not come here seeking us."  
Thor was staring at her now, like he was trying to understand how she could be afraid and confused in such a situation. It was then that the only other man in the room that Tara could actually name was stepping forwards, "Alright, alright. First, you," and Tony Stark was pointing to Loki, "Keep the chit-chat to a minimum. You're captured, not having a social call." then he was making his way closer to her, "You gonna give us a real name, then?"

Tara was regretting every decision she made today. From coming to Manhattan for the tryout, to whatever made her decide to climb those stairs to face down a killer, a famous billionaire, a group in superhero suits, and a...Tara was just going to avoid looking at the hulking green form in the back. She'd feel a bit saner that way. Finally meeting Mr. Stark's eyes, "Tara...Calder. I'd explain but, honestly, I'm not sure what made me want to...show up?" she was wringing her hands in front of her, "I just...I shouldn't have...I should leave," and she was slowly putting a foot back. Maybe, with a prisoner to deal with and a city half-destroyed, they'd just write her off. She wasn't anything special. Not a threat, so-

"Can't exactly let you do that just yet," a look shot her way said he was prepared should she try to run or fight, "No clue who you are, why you're here, and your situation is a bit...well," he shot a glance at the crumpled door, "Not the worst damage to the room by far, but I'm sure you understand why we'd have some questions. Can't let another weapon go waltzing back into a half-destroyed city we just saved,"  
"I'm not a weapon." Her voice was more forceful than she'd intended, but what he'd said had hit a nerve; she didn't want any part in this. And, yeah, she shouldn't have come here. It was, after all, his building. But, "I didn't mean to do that, I just...something's just wrong. Different." She glanced up to meet his eyes in a plea, "You're different,"  
"I'd have been just as dangerous, not knowing what I'm doing, out on the streets. After your little explosion," he gestured at the mess of the doorway and raised an eyebrow, "You didn't _mean_ to? You want this to keep happening, out where people could get hurt?"

Tara didn't get a chance to answer before the big green guy in the back was taking steps back that she could feel through her feet on the floor, huffing for a moment. The others in the room glanced at him for a moment and then Tara's eyes grew wide as it seemed to shrink before her. Literally. Until a man much less terrifying stood in it's place. Mr. Stark just nodded, "Alright, nice of you to join the party, Banner. Can we get him something else to wear and grab food, because I'm starving and we've definitely earned it."  
He glanced back to Tara, "We'll deal with things here," an off-handed gesture at Loki, "And we're going for shawarma. Explanations over food?"

She'd climbed more stairs than she could count, burst through a door, watched a man transform before her eyes, had seen an army of _something_ attacking Manhattan, and was still looking at a captured killer who may or may not have been straight out of her strange dreams. _And they wanted to go out to eat?  
_ "Sure?"

~~~

She was being ushered towards a car by the man in blue, "You look surprisingly composed, all things considered."  
"Do I?" a lift of her shoulder in a shrug. He smiled back at her, friendly enough to calm her a bit, and held out a hand, "Steve Rogers."  
She took it, smiling back as best she could, "I'm still trying to keep it together while I can. I'll wait until I've some privacy to have the breakdown I deserve, I think." She half-huffed a laugh like it was a joke, but honestly she'd probably have a melt down the instant she was alone again.

Upstairs, it had taken a moment for Thor to get a handle on the situation and go back to the prisoner. She'd gotten the quickest rundown of names in her life from Stark, and watched as Loki kept stealing glances back at her as he was led out of the room. Then Stark had taken a moment to remove the Iron Man suit as Tara watched it fold away from him, more like something alive than a piece of complex machinery. He'd given brief introductions that she was still struggling to remember as the others, minus who she now knew as Steve, had filed out behind Thor and Loki. Then she'd been taken to the elevator. The working elevator, apparently, when Stark just commented above him at the disembodied voice of a _'Jarvis? Had she heard that right?'_ to open it up and take them downstairs.

"Thor seemed to know you?"  
The question as they waited by the car for the others made her look up from her inspection of the cars around them to nod in affirmation, "Seemed like it. Though I'm not sure how; I've never met him before."  
"Loki, then?"  
She tried to get the image of blood out of her head at the reminder, but theorized at any connection, "Germany, I guess? He was at a gala I was working in Stuttgart; killed one of the men in front of everyone. But I don't know the name they keep using. I was just employed to sing, it wasn't like he even would have noticed me."  
It was a bit of a lie; she remembered seeing him catch her eye and a moment of quickly dismissed recognition on his face but had been too concerned with escaping to think on it. Still, she left it out in hopes of putting as much distance and informality out as she could. She wanted nothing to do with whatever was going on with that mess.

When the others came downstairs, Tara wished she'd have had longer to calm down. Or less convenient transport; but something told her they'd have trouble getting a cab right now. What with the earlier invasion and the still-fight-ready looking group in most of their gear.  
Thor was instantly by her side, even as they were ready to leave and he took the seat beside her. She kept her eyes out the window, but it didn't seem to deter him when he leaned forward to get her attention, "You wear her face, I have trouble not believing you bare her name. My brother seems to think it as some cruel joke."  
Tara glanced over to him, "I'm not sure who you think I am, but I've never formally met either of you before today. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but-"  
"I return tomorrow with Loki to see to his punishment from the Allfather." He ran a hand across his face, conflict and a tinge of sadness flashing for an instant, "Your visage reminds me of more peaceful times. Loki would do well with the reminder of Lady Sigyn's faith in him when he returns to Asgard. She would not have approved."  
 _Asgard._ Was it not a made-up word? Her dreams of gold and stone and eyes of green that smiled at her with kindness and compassion. There's no way it was real, but yet...  
"That word. The woman that looked like me, she was from Asgard as well?"  
"She was from a far off world; coming to live with us upon her betrothal at a young age. She was as much Asgardian as any other," He huffed a laugh and was leaned back to look up at the roof of the car, "More diplomat than soldier, but she could talk anyone out of a fight; a perfect match for someone so prone to inciting anger with words."

Tara spent the rest of the ride watching the devastation pass by; it would take a long time to rebuild what had been destroyed.

The shawarma restaurant had less talking and more silent looks. They must have been through a lot before Tara had gotten involved. She didn't bother breaking the silence and ate quietly. Eventually, nearly finished with his food, Stark leaned forward to meet her eyes, "So what's the deal with you, then? Showing up with the worst timing imaginable, kicking a steel door down like it's paper,"  
Tara didn't know what to say, just staring for a minute, how was she even supposed to answer that? "Something told me to get up there. I'm not-"  
"Like a person told you or just, you decided to go for a stroll dozens of flights up to the top of a wrecked building in hopes of finding, what?"  
"I didn't think anyone would be up there," was she supposed to explain the invisible push she'd felt all the way up; the way her heart clenched at the idea of turning around? How did she even begin to explain it in a way that didn't sound completely insane? Instead, she tried again, "I'm not sure what made me do it. And I'm even less sure about how I keep destroying things; in fact I'd very much like to stop resembling a sparkler at the worst times."  
"Sparkler?"  
She looked over her fingers, "It's gold. Whatever... _it_ is that makes these gold sparks like light is coming out of my skin. I destroyed my alarm clock after it woke me up from my dr-" she didn't need to talk about that part and knew she'd messed up when her eyes went wide involuntarily and she tried to recover, "Sleep. It woke me up from my sleep, and I sent it across the room without touching it. I thought I was dreaming."  
"Something else you're leaving out?"  
Thor had stopped eating, his eyes trained on her and she felt her face heat up; she didn't want it to keep happening, but she also didn't want to be involved. She wasn't given much of a choice as Thor spoke up, "Lady Sigyn's magic flowed from her as golden light. You are certain you know nothing of her?"  
"Not...really, per say." Tara felt her stomach churn but she needed to say  _something_ about it. Maybe it would be better to get it off her chest; she wasn't this Sigyn and no matter what they wanted from the woman Tara couldn't be her for them. At least if she understood..  
"I've always had these dreams. Gold rooms and a garden. A place called Asgard and people I can't remember." She shook her head, trying to recall what she could, "They were just images; things I thought I'd made up in my head. But their clothes looked like yours...and they felt so _real_."

It was quiet again. No one seemed to want to break the silence and Tara felt like the air was too thick to take long breaths.  
"You have none of her memories?"  
She studied the look on his face, but for what she wasn't sure, "No more than blurred dreams. I didn't even have a name until now."  
"Dreams of what sort?"  
Feeling miniscule under his steady look, she tried to reach for anything she could remember, "Nothing substantial. A palace that towered above us, crossing a bridge that changed colors in the light...gardens filled with white stone pathways and walking along them with...someone."  
He was smiling at her, delighted at something she'd said, "You have memories of coming through the Bifrost? Of Mother's gardens? Do you remember my brother in these visions?"  
The look was expectant, but she couldn't do anything for him there, "He barely looks familiar. I've no memory of faces; just a few things that stood out."

The ride back was more tense. Stark had inquired briefly about how dangerous she was, to which Thor was no help to her, all the while talking up the power of how well 'Lady Sigyn' could use her magic to do impressive feats. Going so far as to compare it to Loki's own magic. She'd given a scathing look, "I'm nothing like that monster," and it had shut him down quickly. But a part of her wanted to know more. She had known the two of them, then. But how well? Well enough to remember Loki the smallest bit if she was being honest with herself; those eyes could belong to no one else.  
But from what she remembered, she'd have had a life back then. Feasts with friends and a mother. In Tara's twenty two years, she'd never known her birth family. She remembered foster homes and changing schools. Sigyn was supposed to be a bride; Thor had even said 'upon her betrothal'. Had she lived long enough to have a husband? Thor looked young, but talked in centuries when he spoke of time. Did they live much longer? If so, did she still have a husband somewhere? Surely he'd have moved on, and she had no interest in hurting them further, but the idea pulled at her heart that it might be the case.


	6. Sister and Wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Here's another chapter. Re-posted because of mistakes. But it's all good to go now. Hope everyone had a good holiday if you celebrate. Next chapter will be up soon.

By the time they'd returned, Stark was talking sleeping arrangements and people were drifting off from the group.

He paused in front of Tara, "You alright for the night? I'll show you to a room near Nat's incase you need anything, but it's been a long day for us." he gestured upwards while they stood in the elevator, "Seems like most of the damage was cosmetic; nothing that'll bring the building down while we sleep, at least." he smiled, but Tara found the idea less funny.

 

Her room and it's attached bathroom, Tara found, was larger than most hotels she'd stayed in and certainly larger than her tiny, less than 500sq ft apartment's bedroom and bathroom. She had spent a short while in the chair by the far wall, just looking out the window at the destruction of the city before the knock on her door startled her out of her daze and she rose to answer it.

"I hope I didn't disturb you,"  
Thor looked strange standing in her doorway, tall and taking up most of the space, but she shook her head and stepped back to let him in, "Did you want to talk about something?"  
After the car ride earlier, she doubted this social call wasn't related to Sigyn, but she'd humor him best she could; the situation must be hard on him too, having what must have been a close friend to both brothers die, just for her to come waltzing back into his life all over again.  
"If you are not opposed, I had an offer to make."  
Unexpected. "What kind of offer?"  
He paced towards the window for a moment, quiet, before looking back at her, "Tomorrow I leave with Loki to Asgard for his punishment." She knew this already, but nodded her head to acknowledge him and he looked like he was bracing himself for a second, "My brother did terrible things here on Midgard. Had he not been stopped..." he trailed off for a moment, not meeting her eyes, "The Allfather may take his powers, or banish him, or...or he may find it unredeemable and have him put to death."  
From the look on his face, Tara felt she should be more upset about this. And a part of her did feel the twist in her gut, but reasoned that anyone's death would seem unpleasant to her. Still. She found she cared less than Thor seemed to be looking for in her as his stare became imploring.  
"Lady Tara, he may be put to death. I ask you to come with us to Asgard tomorrow. To see his punishment through; be there when the decision is made."  
"No."  
Tara expected the tone of her voice even less than Thor seemed to. But still, he looked shocked at her firm response, "You would not?"  
"I understand it's not the answer you're looking for, Thor." She almost felt bad, knowing he'd had such hope she'd return with them. But there was no reason to go; a long-dead friend attending his sentencing and possible death.  
"I'm sorry, but I'm not sad to see him leave Earth. And I...want to say that his death would upset me. But his punishment doesn't concern me. I don't want to be any part of this," Tara lifted a hand to softly settle on his shoulder, "Your brother needs you there. But the face of some long-dead friend? I'm not her. And I'm not coming with you tomorrow."  
"Friend?"  
Thor's look of disappointment morphed into one of confusion, "You are family. Sigyn or no, I will consider you no less my sister, now. I'm sure that Loki would not shun you, even as he is now."  
It was Tara's turn to look confused, "Sister?" She nearly laughed at that one, "Do no Asgardians look alike? I look no more like you than Loki does. And even less like him. This is insane,"  
"You talk as if-" His eyes went wide in realization and he took a step back, "You did not know. Forgive me; with some memories from the Lady Sigyn, I assumed you would realize your relation."  
"Relation to what?"  
Thor's face fell, "You are my sister. Not by blood, but by marriage." He hesitated a moment before looking away from her, "To my brother. To Loki."

 

Tara's chest felt tight. She had been married. Sigyn _had_ a husband. And it was that monster.  
Green eyes and a sense of safety. Of home and family. She'd spent so many nights as a child and as a young woman remembering that feeling. She'd wanted nothing more than to wake up still curled up in warm arms, happy and wanted. So many, she'd become bitter to the very idea of the dreams. Forcing her awake just as she thought she'd remember something. And now, here Thor was, proclaiming her his sister. The wife of a murderer.

Her mind went to spurts of red, blades that ground into the eye of some nameless man while Loki smiled in satisfaction above him.  
"Get out."  
"Lady Tara?"  
She moved back to the door, shoving it open and not taking her eyes off the floor, "Get out of my room, Thor."  
It took everything in her to keep her voice level and not shout at him. It was not his fault. But he seemed to understand well enough and began to move past her, but not before leaving her with a quiet, "If you change your mind, I ask you come downstairs early tomorrow. At least to give him that before he leaves Midgard?"  
"Go."  
"Lady Tara, please-"  
Her eyes shot up to him, her stomach pulling in knots and she looked on the verge of breaking but just grit her teeth, "I owe him  _nothing_. Now get out."


	7. Life on Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou all so much for the comments; they make it so much easier to keep motivated and just really make my day!
> 
> Much shorter chapter...but I'm posting another one today in just a bit, so...yup.

In the morning, Tara woke from a dream of flowers and the garden with white stepping stones. She'd been reading something she couldn't remember and watching people walk by where she'd sat on a bench as the day went by her.  
It couldn't be much longer until they would be ready to leave. Maybe they were already gone. He'd never given her an actual time.  
She could get up. See for herself. Maybe watch them leave. Would it matter to him at all? A woman in the body of his dead wife; seeing her image for the last time.  
She's not sure if it would be more painful to pretend he'd never seen her at all. Tara's not sure which she would prefer in his place. But she did know what he'd done; or at least parts of his crimes, and for those alone she didn't think she could bring herself to see him. It felt wrong, but it was just a wish Thor had asked of her. Loki, at least, had seemed to understand she was not the same woman in their brief interaction. Perhaps he didn't want her there anyway.  
And now Tara was contemplating the feelings of a murderer. Whether he wished to see what little remained of the wife he lost before he met the fate he'd brought upon himself.  
Tara turned over in the bed and closed her eyes to the soft light streaming in through the window. She would not find out.

 

_Knock Knock_  
  
The sun was bright through her window, high in the sky, before she pulled herself from the bed. She ached in a way that over-sleeping tended to cause, but at least she didn't have to sit up here thinking about going to see them.  
  
_Knock Knock_

The raps on her door weren't very loud, but she quickly rose to answer it. A strawberry blonde woman was smiling kindly from the other side, "Pepper Potts," She extended a hand to shake with Tara, "Tony explained the situation, best as he seems to understand it at least. We thought you could use some lunch, if you feel like coming out?"  
Tara gave her best smile back, trying to fight off the sad feeling she'd been left with since last night, "Is Loki still..."  
"Thor took him back earlier. And everyone else cleared out right afterwards from what I heard, so we're down to just the three of us." 

 

And that was how things went in Tara's life for several weeks. It wasn't as terrible as she'd thought when she'd first been told she couldn't go home. It was mostly sleep, eat, and keep herself as entertained as she could. She'd sent a few messages over email to Rachel in Germany, but they didn't talk much even after Tara had visited, so she didn't bother explaining anything more about the invasion than that she was fine and didn't know any more than anyone else did. The Incident, or the alien invasion, depending on what news you listened to, was the talk of the world now. Media had gotten her better acquainted with what had really been going on, but she was glad she'd kept out of the media's light with all of this. What she didn't totally understand, Mr. Stark was more than willing to fill her in on; as much as some of it seemed confidential, he also didn't seem like the type to listen on rules for government secrets.

With Stark and Pepper there was talk, now and then, of finding someone to help with her abilities but they didn't seem to be causing any more problems so it was tabled for when rebuilding Stark Tower wasn't taking up so much of the pair's time. Instead, more often Tara would try to bring up the topic of getting back to work. It seemed like Mr. Stark found it acceptable only if they could find her something low stress and within his range of power, though. In that way, perhaps, she was less content.  
But weeks went by, and Tara found herself spending more time doing menial tasks for Pepper and less thinking about everything that had actually led her here.


	8. A Mother's Offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's all for today. I've got to get going to work now, and I'm closing tonight and then...opening tomorrow...this should be fun. But it'll be late tomorrow at the earliest for the next chapter, so here's two in a day to make up for it.

The dreams seemed to go back to normal; less frequent and less real, and made it easier to distance herself from them again.  
In a way, it almost hurt to have the vividness of the soft, peaceful memories taken from her. Just as she'd been getting used to the feeling, coming to terms with what they were, they faded from her once more, turning back into blurred faces and stark contrasts of colors.  
And then the day came where JARVIS was sending her downstairs "at the request of Ms. Potts" and she was leaving the elevator to see a familiar tall, blonde man stood next to her impromptu housemates.  
"Lady Tara,"  
She didn't know what to do. Her first reaction was to want to run back into the elevator and lock herself in her room until he left. But that was both unnecessary and wholly childish. Instead, she kept moving until she stood before them, "You asked for me?"  
Stark started to pace forward, "Why don't you kids follow me and we'll let you talk somewhere a little more out of my front lobby, yeah?"

  
Thor made the little side office they were ushered into look even smaller, but he stood tall and Tara tried to calm her heart. This wasn't just some man, different like the others that fought on Earth; if everything she'd been told was true, he was an alien from some far off world that claimed themselves gods. But Tara smiled politely and did her best to not look as nervous as she felt. She'd told him no, ushered him from her room, and had not shown up the day he'd left the planet. Was he here to tell her Sigyn's husband was dead? To try to guilt her or-  
"I come requesting that you once more reconsider accompanying me back to Asgard."  
Tara screwed her face in confusion, "Why would I-"  
"Loki was sentenced to imprisonment in the cells of Asgard as punishment for his crimes. But since leaving Midgard,  Queen Frigga, our mother, worries for his health. I had tried explaining your memories, and the light you've again found inside of you, but I fear it only made matters worse. He has lost much of himself and speaks little, only to ask if I have seen you again. I believe your return would help him greatly."

Thor had went and spilled the situation to Loki; letting him believe that a part of Tara may still be the woman from before. She couldn't have expected Thor to keep it a secret from him, but it still didn't feel good to know it.  
"I'm not her, Thor. I don't know how else I can say it to make you understand, but nothing good would come out of me going to him."  
"It is the only thing we have yet to try. The Allfather has given orders that none may speak with him, and we've only been able to see him in relative secrecy. You, however, would be permitted. Another name, but you still have claim as his wife." He smiled kindly, his face imploring her to help, "Our father always had a soft spot for Lady Sigyn; both myself and Mother believe he would grant you this."

"I can't promise you anything; I'm not the same woman that died back then," she felt bad about all of it, but she wasn't the person he needed right now, "I might just make things worse for him, bringing up old memories,"  
He seemed determined to get her acceptance, but also just a touch exhausted, "All I ask is that you try. My brother, as he is now, worries my mother. He's shut himself off more than ever,"  
"Isn't he supposed to be being punished? He killed people here, Thor. You're asking me to go try to help someone who tried to take over my planet. Who killed in front of my eyes. I'm not even sure I could face him,"  
It was the truth; she didn't really know if she could look at him without the gripping fear she'd felt before. And he wanted her to help him? Tara didn't know if she even wanted to.  
"The Lady Frigga has asked that I make a bargain on her behalf,"  
Tara's face turned down in confusion, "A bargain?"  
"You wish to control the light you wield inside of you. It's a power you learned long ago; the same magic that my mother once taught Loki. Should you return with me to Asgard, you will be taught to wield your power as Sigyn once did."  
"And will she only teach me this if I face Loki?"  
Thor huffed a laugh with a morose smile that didn't really reach his eyes, "We would not force this upon you. You are free to come with me and still never see his face." he moved forward, placing a hand on Tara's shoulder and she could see in his face that this wasn't just about Loki, "You are not the Lady Sigyn, I see that. But you embody all she once was, and both my mother and I want you to come home. Your power, your visage, and what still prevails of your memories, says all I need to know of what Sigyn would want for you. I have no doubt that she'd ask we help you in all that we can."

  
There was no underlying lie in his face, far as Tara could see. He looked earnest and hopeful, like he really did hope she'd at least agree to come with him. But Asgard was not her home.  
Where was her home, though?  
Tara had no family here. Her apartment's lease, if she ever did get to leave Stark Tower, would be up in less than half the year already. Her mind took in all the memories she could recall of Sigyn's life in Asgard and realized there was nothing else to think about. She'd loved those memories, even before she knew what they were. The tiny moments, in between all the mundane and confusing things, that had made her feel safe and loved.  
"I won't promise to help him." She couldn't promise that. She still wasn't sure she could bring herself to even face him, yet. Still, "But I need to learn more about what's inside of me to start living any kind of a life again,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note; Loki's destruction of the Bifrost made travel a problem, then the Marauders attacked the Realms in Asgard's absence. The Bifrost was able to be repaired with the Tesseract's power and this is all in Dark World but Tara doesn't...know what any of this is, so. Instead, this is just so you remember/have a better idea of why stuff is the way it is. I've postponed any Dark Elves, as they don't really fit here. But there's still fights with the Marauders who are slowly being rounded up and taken to Asgard as prisoners.  
> 


	9. A Ploy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work killed me the last two days, so that's what I've been doing. I got some writing done, though, so here's a longer than normal chapter and I will be putting more up soon.  
> I did not stop to edit this, though, so I don't promise anything on the grammar. Spelling check ran, but that's about it. Will probably fix later, when I'm not still trying to get words on the page.

 

Leaving had been a simple affair. Tony had apparently been taking care of her old apartment's lease for her, and she'd never felt the need to retrieve most of her things from it anyway. Still, Pepper insisted she'd take care of storing it all for the time being incase Tara wanted them back whenever she decided to return to Earth. Which seemed strange; how long would learning like this even take her? Was Tara looking at months? Years? Not that she really had a choice if she wanted to feel safe with this growing light inside of her.  
But she'd only kept a handful of the clothes she'd brought and some necessities from her room, all packed in a borrowed duffle with an obnoxiously sized 'Stark Industries' logo across the side.

Light; silvers and blues and pinks, lighting up everything in Tara's vision and she gripped harder onto Thor's arm as it felt like the floor was dropped from beneath her feet. But there was no feeling like she'd be pulled away from him, only a distinct sensation of being lifted upwards, and not nearly as fast as it seemed she should feel like she was going when she could look around her at stars and darkness that seemed to slip by at frightening speeds. When she could feel floor under her feet again, she quickly stumbled to keep herself from falling over.  
The first thing she noticed was the man on the platform before them, smiling softly with his hands on a sword that speared into the device he stood behind. He stood tall in all golden armor with eyes so out of the norm that Tara did her best not to stare.  
The room was large, a dome and as the light behind her dulled from starlight to a more mid-day tone, she turned to look at the whirling circle that they'd come through.

"Her Majesty asked you meet in her sitting room as soon as you arrived."  
Thor nods an acknowledgment at the other man, "My thanks, Heimdall."

  
When Thor led her out, she tried to keep up all while watching her feet. The floor seemed to sparkle separately from the gold around them, and pulse with color like it was alive. She looked ahead of them, her eyes taking in where they'd arrived-  
"You've got to be kidding me. We're walking this whole thing?"  
"The Bifrost links Asgard to the Nine Realms; it creates a great deal of noise and light and movement when it activates and could not be built too close to the city. It is still not as far as it looks,"  
Thor's laugh said he didn't take her concern seriously, but Tara was wishing she owned fewer clothes right about now as she hefted the duffle better onto her shoulder. At least she'd worn comfortable shoes.

 

_Gold towers._

Tara kept glancing up at the structure rising from the city; pillars all built together to form one solid building rising like a pyramid from the center. She'd seen it before. Held no shock at the strange buildings rising around it, or even the flat structures clumped off to their right that seemed to float on their own above the ground. The city looked like something inspired both by the ancient stone cathedrals and the high-tech fantasy of science fiction. 

The city of Asgard, though she saw only glimpses through the pillars and buildings that lined the main way to the castle, it seemed lively and beautiful. People bustled about there day with smiles and hurried about it brightly colored cloth; the women with hair piled in curls and dresses draped and pinned with gold clasps like some ancient Greek play.  
In a way, it made her feel out of place, but Thor's look made all the more sense.

 

~~~

 

The Queen of Asgard was not what Tara had expected. Queen Frigga was tall, and held an atmosphere of confidence that befitted a queen; a dress long and elegant that floated about her legs and hair in soft curls pinned up with tresses flowing in the back. But the gold plating across her arms and shoulders, the gold around her chest, all spoke of one willing to fight as well. The way she stood as they entered the large room, and the strength as Tara shook her hand wasn't the frail, pampered feeling that Tara had assumed of the title.  
Thor greeted her warmly and she smiled kindly but her eyes didn't leave Tara, "You are the spitting image of my late daughter,"  
It felt an awkward thing to say thankyou to, how should Tara reply to something like that? But the queen didn't need an answer and chose to step closer, slowly walking around Tara in a circle for a moment, "Thor says you have memories of Lady Sigyn's time with us? And wield her magic as well?"  
"Wield is a.. _strong_ word for what I've done with it, Queen Frigga. Accidently have used it, more like. But sometimes I do have dreams about this place, yeah."  
She paused in front of her, "Lady Sigyn was of the Vanir; magic is second nature to us so if you are her, which I have little doubt, then it is no surprise you're capable of using it without any memory of how to properly command it."  
"I'm sorry, the what?"  
Queen Frigga gestured for Tara to follow her and paced across the room to sit on a long chaise beside a pit of fire that was inset into the floor. A covering that looked like glass covered it like a dome, but Tara could still feel heat radiating from it as she sat in a chair beside the Queen's.  
"Vanir are a people close to the Aesir, or Asgardians. I came from Vanaheim, their realm, to marry Odin as you came to marry my son. Though very much later, of course."  
"Then are we-"  
"We are related only by race and by marriage, should you choose to still recognize it. Your family ascended the throne when mine died as I was the only heir born before and was a realm away. While we are no longer as close with the Vanir, it is your elder brother who now has the throne."  
Tara didn't feel like she was cut from the same cloth as the Queen. She wasn't nearly the woman that she was now sat looking at. Besides, the Lady Sigyn was still dead; Tara was just some butchered second version.  
"At this point, I doubt any relation is recognizable. I'm not a god like any of you, just some human from New York. I only came because I thought you could help me with keeping whatever's inside of me from acting out again,"  
Confusion graced the Queen's features and she glanced as if to confirm something with Thor then leant herself forward towards Tara, "You think you are mortal? A mortal woman with the memories and magic inside of her from a dead woman?"  
Tara's face probably mirrored the Queen's, "I am, though. At least...I've never been to Vana...to that other realm?"  
"A mortal cannot have the visions of the Vanir. Nor could she wield the power of one for long without dying. If you were mortal, you would have died the moment your light began to manifest itself again. It's not magic that one learns to manipulate; it is an innate ability that flows through the Vanir."  
Tara huffed a laugh, "I haven't been able to do more than half-feel whatever power this is since I realized it was there. And if I'm not a human, then why can't I remember anything but life back on Earth? I had a normal life; childhood and went to a school and all that."  
"You had a family, then? Parents who bore you, and watched you grow?"  
That was. Well, no. But she'd been a  _child_ so someone must have given birth to her! "I didn't know them; but I remember being a child. I was raised through foster care. But I was definitely a kid,"  
"The difference between an Aesir and a Vanir's magic is the difference between a bird who will learn to fly and always had the potential, and a butterfly that knows how to fly the moment it has the ability. You can be taught to use it more precisely. But if you cannot currently release it as you will, then you are the one denying the potential. As for your mortality,"  
The Queen rose and walked across the room to retrieve something from a full-wall shelf of books, pulling down something bound in red with gold edging the spine, "When you died, the body did as all do and burst into light; spreading your existence across space. Should you have been reformed, it's no surprise you'd have started as a child, unaware of your power as it regained strength." She opened the book, flipping through it for a moment to find what she wanted and then was handing it over to Tara, "While capable of flight, it would be erratic and without direction. This is just one of many books we have on Vanir magic in particular; it would be a good start should you accept it and need to learn the control you are looking for."  
Tara carefully took the book, her eyes scanning the page that seemed to be the start of a chapter, with small diagrams of the body on the opposite page, all labeled with...  
"What language is this?"  
Thor huffed a laugh behind her, but the Queen shot him a disapproving look and smiled back to Tara, "The written word of Asgard. What I speak is not how we write, unfortunately. Allspeak does not transfer so well."  
"Allspeak? You're not speaking English?"  
"We speak a language that all understand. Your native tongue is what you hear from me, but the texts here are Asgardian and this was not a concern. Perhaps you will regain knowledge of it from memories soon? I was never good at teaching languages, and don't know enough of your Midgardian tongue to help you with this." Here she smiled just a bit brighter and still would not take the book that Tara was now trying to hand back to her, "My son, Loki, however. He has spent much time over the years studying an array of things like this. I'm sure his ability to translate for you, if nothing else, would be ever helpful."  
Tara was dumbfounded. She'd been played. All the knowledge she wanted, and here it was in her hands. And she couldn't read a lick of it.

"You  _said_ you would teach me, though!"  
The Queen looked surprised, her smile didn't leave, "I did promise you would be taught, of course. And should you ask, I will teach you what I can, in the little time I have, and you are welcome to stay here in the meantime. Though, with attacks on the Nine Realms at this time, I'm kept busy often. Depending on events, it may take many years before I'm ever able to help you to half the magic user that Sigyn was." She shook her head, almost pulling off a look of mild concern and guilt, "Perhaps, eventually, you'll even regain enough of yourself to remember how to read the tomes we hold, or no longer need teachings. My son, however, is more than familiar with Sigyn's magic. He trained with her often and has extensive knowledge in anything you would need to learn about the past. And he has more than enough time on his hands to give you his undivided attention, now, I assure you. More than enough time to translate or explain anything you ask of him."

She should have seen it coming. There was always a catch, and a woman who could rule a Realm would never have given in so easily when she was trying to help her son. Tara should be more surprised she hadn't thought of it. Or more angry.  
Instead, she just felt resigned. And just a bit amused at how well she'd been forced into a corner without any threatening or force at all.  
"Then I'd like to be shown to my room for the night, if you don't mind. I've plenty of questions for Loki tomorrow that it'll be a long day."

The two resulting smiles made Tara feel like however tomorrow went, it would be worth it. The warm hug the Queen wrapped her into a moment later, just sealed her resolve.  
"I thank you, Daughter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also quick mention; the language on Thor's hammer and in the Dark Elf book from Odin in Dark World are in...a weird mismatch of Anglo-saxon runes and like. Several other things plus nonsense. It's not a real language. Don't get me started on that one. Just keep it in mind if you want to have an idea of what Tara was looking at.  
> The Allspeak thing is canon.  
> And so you know, this fic will have a huge range of mismatched MCU and Comic bits thrown in to help make more sense of stuff and fit Tara/Sigyn in better. If you've not read any of the comics...spoilers ahead? Minor ones, but information/background spoilers I guess.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay; I've been taking a holiday vacation. But got some writing done, so here's chapter 10 and expect more soon.  
> Thanks to everyone commenting; they really make my day!

 

 

Thor had left Tara outside of her rooms for the night, with a promise to send someone to fetch her again first thing in the morning with breakfast in hand. Well, they were somewhat her rooms. He'd explained that Lady Sigyn had her own quarters and they'd been kept clean and organized, but wholly left as they were since their last use.

  
Tara hadn't realized quite how tired she'd become today until her eyes took in the large bed draped in reds and golds. Like everything else she'd seen so far in Asgard, the room held a look of old castles and cathedrals. But little things kept tipping her off at the alien nature of it all. Like the fires burning in sconces that lined the halls with no visible fuel but still radiating heat.

She moved towards the bed, putting the book she was still clutching onto the nightstand and unclasping her bra, sitting to pull off her jeans and shoes. She took notice of the canopy of the bed, with soft sheer curtains of gold, that didn't actually attach to either the ceiling nor did any bed posts exist for it to be held up with. Instead, it seemed to float above the bed, the curtains on her side held back by where they draped behind the headboard. Moving forward to run a hand over the fabric, she lightly tugged an edge; checking it wasn't precarious and would fall at the slightest motion, and while it tilted the gold ring above that the curtains were hanging from, it didn't give any sign of falling.

She'd indulge in her fascination with the room tomorrow, she decided. For now, she'd try to get some sleep.

 

~~~

_Nearing dusk, Sigyn was standing still and tall as a handmaid finished clasping on a draped cloak._ _She'd picked out a sheer silver for the drape to keep out the night chill and compliment the green of the dress beneath but forwent any of her armor for the night; it wouldn't be as acceptable to wear during a celebration of their holiday of peace._  
_It wasn't long after her handmaid left her that the tapping on her door came. Her hair pinned up, curls in a halo on her head, she took a last glance in the mirror beside the door before pulling it open._  
_Loki waited on the other side with a bright smile, dressed in formal wear that matched her green and silver for the evening, holding out his arm for her, "You look stunning,"_  

_Bright lanterns, hung between buildings like streamers. The smells of food carts all around them, and more people than Sigyn usually had to navigate between. Loki kept her close, the arm she held to moving to circle her waist as they flitted between stalls and towards the main street. The parade would start soon, and Loki had promised her a view from the streets like any other Asgardian citizen. They would probably be able to see Thor, Frigga, and Odin as they passed if they hurried._  
Loki had promised her the night out on the streets when she'd asked to stay out of the spectacle for the night. Still, citizens knew who she was, and they parted around the new couple like water with careful smiles at her and bowed heads before moving on.  
When they finally found a spot out of the way and not too crowded, Loki dropped his arm to wrap around her waist and Sigyn couldn't help but lean into him. The sounds of celebration as the parade began sweeping her up in a sense of excited happiness as the first chariots floated by. Thor caught her eye and gave her a splitting grin as she waved with enthusiasm back.

_~~~_

 

 

A knock at her door made an abrupt end to Tara's dream but she shook it off to get up.  
The girl on the other side must've been no more than a handful of years younger than Tara and was holding a tray of food with a pitcher on it, "I was sent to bring your meal this morning, Lady Tara."  
She let the girl by as she moved to enter the room and followed her to the other side of it as she set the tray on the large wooden desk by the window.  
Tara looked over the meal, realizing how hungry she was and that'd she'd never stopped to eat yesterday afternoon, "Does everyone just take their meals in their rooms, then? I wouldn't have minded joining them downstairs,"  
The girl was smiling as she stepped away from the desk, "Some take first meal in their quarters. The soldiers dine together near the kitchens; but you may take meal wherever pleases you,"  
"Where would Thor be at this hour, then?"  
She had the smallest rise in her smile, as if she found it amusing, as she replied, "Near the kitchens, M'lady, dining with the soldiers as is his usual."  
Tara nodded, then looked to her food. Probably not seeing a reason to stay, the girl made a quick bow, "Is there anything else I can do for you this morning? One of the guard will be up to escort you around for the day soon."  
Not sure on the formalities and awkward at the girl's careful attention to her, Tara smiled and shook her head, "Thankyou."

 

The door slid shut so silently, Tara looked back to make sure the girl had actually left. It explained how she hadn't woke or noticed whoever had come in to keep the fire in the fireplace burning all night as she slept.  
Bathing in the inset tub in the room attached to her sleeping quarters left Tara more relaxed than she'd ever been. Though working the tap had taken her more than a few minutes, with the different knobs and gilded levers that made up the back edge. Eventually, she was able to get warm water that smelled of some type of flower to fill the tub and called it a win. Shampoo and soap, however, she'd have to ask about later as there was none to be found.  
After drying with the long, fluffy cloth that almost resembled a towel handing by the tub, Tara went through her duffle in search of clothes. She could see a door to what was probably a closet, but while it may help her fit in, she had no interest in facing Loki today in clothes that made her even less comfortable in her own skin. Or that made her more closely resemble Sigyn, for that matter.  
By the time a knocking started on her door again, she was dressed and grabbing the book from her nightstand.

 

~~~

 

The first thing she noticed, was how clean and high-tech it all looked. A small part of her had expected a more stereotypical castle dungeon feel to the whole place. But instead, she was met with even cells on either wall, with white walls inside them and golden colored force-fields across the fronts like windows. The hall itself felt very much the castle, with it's dark stone pillars and braziers for a flickering, soft light that seemed almost unnecessary with the gold light given off from the inside of each cell.  
The guard kept moving, and Tara quickened her pace to keep up. It was safe, she was sure, but the cells looked much too open with the gold barriers for the hall to not make her the slightest bit uncomfortable. Still, she kept her eyes ahead and her head up, and tried to tune out the jeers she could make out from some of the cells.  
When the guard finally stopped, he stood to the side of the cell at attention, ready to wait for her to leave again. The formality of it made her a bit uncomfortable, but she supposed it was par for the course.  
"Was it at Thor's request or Frigga's that you come all this way?"  
And Tara was facing the murderer she'd been trying to forget since Stuttgart.  
"Both, actually. They mentioned you'd not been speaking; I'm almost disappointed that it's not the case."  
She hadn't meant to get cheeky; but just looking at the smug smirk he wore even while locked in a cell before her, pulled at something in her to knock him down a notch.  
"And yet you felt compelled to come and help me?"  
"Compelled to help myself; I'm not here for you. It's an unintended side effect that I'm still not sure is worth it."  
This seemed to catch his attention and he paused, walking closer to the barrier between them, his eyes scanning her and locking on the book she clutched to her side.  
"Thor gave me the impression you still retained some of her memories. Magic and language were not a part of those?"  
Tara huffed at the condescending tone he took, "Hardly. I barely know anything about her, much less anything useful. Did she do anything that wasn't dance and read and look at flowers?"

"You could not hope to live up to everything she accomplished."  
The sentence wasn't more than their bickering so far, but his face made her not want to push her luck on that front. She did, after all, still want his help.

 

When she didn't answer, Loki turned back to pace over to a chair in the room's center.  
_Some prison cell._

He didn't look at her, just stared off into space for a moment before even saying anything else.  
"You really do not remember anything of me?"  
The way it sounded almost like he was going for a casual tone was lost at the broken look.  
"Very little," Tara couldn't just say no; it wasn't true, and even if she didn't want him to have any hope in her, she couldn't lie to him when he looked like that. "I get memories, but they're broken and blurry. Recently they've been more vivid, but it's still not anything useful."  
"Tell me what you do remember."  
It made her pause; everything she remembered? Mostly it was useless things like libraries and flowers and the lights of the city from a balcony. There was no harm in those. But some...felt too personal to share. Quiet moments in dark corners of the library, reading with someone by the firelight surrounded in heavy furs, or stolen kisses around pillars in the garden. At the time, the man's face was a blur; someone that made her feel safe and loved, but not someone recognizable. Now that she could put a face to him, though...

"There's not much; most of it I forget when I wake up anyways."  
"Do not lie to me. You, of all people, are the least likely to pull it off." He leaned his head back in the chair and closed his eyes, "I will help you. Teach you anything you ask me to. But in return, you tell me of what memories you have of her."  
He wanted memories. Did he just want to know what she remembered or was there more reason behind it? Still, "You'll translate this for me?" Tara held up the book, "Help me learn to control it?"  
Loki sat forward, eyes catching hers, "I will translate and read and teach you anything you want to know about every book in this kingdom. But you will tell me which memories of hers still live in you. Every time you dream, you will tell them to me. Or you will go back up those stairs and try to bargain for Queen Frigga's valuable time instead."


	11. What One Fears Most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, apologies for the delay. I'm currently studying for my ASVAB (Yes, it's mostly comprehension, but I've been out of high school for like five years now, so I need all the help I can get.) And I'm on a training schedule that already conflicts with work a lot, so I don't have a lot of free time lately. I'll to keep up still; it's mostly just editing stuff I've already written anyways, so I have little excuse.  
> Still, please enjoy, I know it's short but I'll try to get another chapter out super soon.

Tara wanted to think there wasn't much of an option. But she could go back to the Queen. It would take longer, sure, but it was an option."Fine. I unload what I can remember to you.  And you can start translating everything this," Tara thrust the book forward so he could better see it, "says."  
Loki huffed a laugh but nodded in her direction. "Then my first suggestion would be for you to find someone willing to give you a guards' key to my cell. Or this will be a very long process."  
"Excuse me?"  
His eyebrows raised in feigned surprise. He was obviously enjoying how uncomfortable he'd made her. "I assume you don't want to stand there holding the book, flipping pages as I read it, do you? I do, of course, have the time to do it that way. But it seems less than convenient for you."  
"No."  
"Then how will I get that book from you? Is there something you're afraid of, Tara?"  
Tara huffed a laugh, but her hands shook. "More than anything? You."  
Perhaps he'd expected her to bluff, or give a different answer. But either way, his face did fall for just a moment.  
"Fair enough."

Tara almost wanted to take it back, but then he was throwing that smirk back on his face just as quickly, "Just the book, then. My cell is entered twice a day by the guards to bring in food and the like. Ask the guard to put it with tonight's dinner. If Thor or Frigga sent him with you, I assume you would have permission to ask him to assist you at least this much."  
He gave a sharp gesture at the guard, still patiently at attention and unmoving off to the side of Loki's cell.  
"But-"  
"Tell him. He is not allowed to acknowledge any words I speak."  
Tara turned to the guard, feeling strange to be repeating something the man clearly must have heard. But she held out the book carefully, "Would you be able to put this with Loki's dinner tonight?"  
He made a quick bow of his head, taking the book, then returned to his position, "As you will, Lady Tara."  
Loki made a sound that had Tara turning to him. He looked amused with a curious tilt to his head, "Is that what they're calling you, then? Has the King and Queen decided upon your official status yet, now that you're back with us?"  
"Status?"  
A roll of his eyes, "With both the power and memories of Sigyn, you would still have a chance at reclaiming your title, should you pursue it." He grinned, "As a princess of the Vanir, of course. I assume you have no intention of acknowledging your claim as my wife anytime soon for your status as an Asgardian Princess?"  
"I'm not your wife."  
"But you will be claiming your title of Sigyn's birth, then?"  
Tara cringed. It sounded bad, the way he put it. Could she consider herself either of the two? Frigga certainly seemed to, but Tara was sure that the Queen _also_ still considered her to be Loki's wife as she was alright calling Tara 'daughter'.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I barely understand what part of me is myself and what are memories from her."  
Loki paced across the room, looking idly at the cover of a book as he seemed to think something over, "Then perhaps talking about them will help you separate the two. Or better understand yourself in some way, at the least."  
"I'd rather it not be to you, of all people, even if that were the case. Someone more trustworthy would be more helpful."  
Tara had no interest in talking to him about anything, but she did need his help. And part of her  _was_ curious about the whole situation.  
"I remember someone willing to trust every word I spoke, follow my lead wherever I asked." He huffed a laugh but didn't meet her eyes, "Ironic hearing words like yours from the same lips."  
"Maybe...she used to trust you. But after everything **I've** seen you do, did you really think I'd be okay with...that even _she_ would have been okay with this?" Tara felt a burn in her throat like she was saddened, but didn't really understand why; she didn't have those memories. Or at least, not enough of them for the betrayed look he was sending her way to hurt as much as it seemed to.  
"You have no _idea_ what she'd want!"  
She took in an unsteady breath but met his eyes as she spoke, "I don't see what she saw; whether it's because I didn't know you before...all of this. Or because I'm just nothing like her. When I look at you, right now, all I see is a monster in his prison cell."  
"Then why do you cry."  
It caught her off guard, but Tara didn't really have a good answer, "I don't know. I'm upset and part of me hates making you feel bad. But I also don't think the feelings are my own. And I can't trust you like she did. But I do have some memories. She wasn't the kind of person to condone senseless murder. Enslaving a planet. Tell me I'm wrong."  
He didn't look willing to answer her, but threw himself back down into a chair, "If you want my help, then leave."  
"Loki-"  
"Now." He didn't raise his voice, didn't look at her, but the tone made her pause.  
When she didn't immediately move to leave, Loki tilted his head to the side to look her way, "I will translate the book. Tomorrow you will start telling me of your memories in return. But for now, I'm done with this conversation."  
Tara couldn't find a good reason to argue, no matter how much her gut wanted her to stay. Say something else. To help-  
Instead, she turned to leave and the guard quickly moved to lead her out again.


End file.
